After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
