I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
