you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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