It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
