Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
