I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Randomize
