I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
