she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Even my vagina gasped.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
