so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
