Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You had me at "let me see your balls"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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