I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
