So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
