you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
