After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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