Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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