Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
