I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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