I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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