I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
