Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
