im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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