that's an acceptable place to lick
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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