sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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