remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
