if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize