Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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