im calling her cock vulture from now on
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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