i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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