where am i from again
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
