Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
