hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize