I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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