Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
