just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
