If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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