PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
this will be a night to untag.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
