So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
