this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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