You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
