I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
