I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
