so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Drake has all the answers
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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