I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have already put on my inside pants.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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