She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
