Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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