if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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