so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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