Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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