Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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