Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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