If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
