when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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