he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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