overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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