i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
a search helicopter?!
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
