I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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