Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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