one might say we're banned from that church
I seem to have left my pride at pride
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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