its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
