I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
