We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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