He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
a search helicopter?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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