Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Found the puke drawer
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
