Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
