You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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