Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
