How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
